On the contrary, I didn't actually know what I felt until he was gone and that too for ever. I wish I realized it sooner. Every day I go on with my life and when there is even a moment when I feel alone he comes to my mind. It feels like I am alone even when I am surrounded with people. I miss him unconditionally and all the feelings come at once. It is overwhelming and hard to handle. And then I choose to make myself numb. Numb to my own feelings, numb to whatever is going on around me. All I want to do is think of him. I thought once people left, you miss them less. But I realized it makes you miss them even more. The feelings I had for him seems to be growing stronger instead of diminishing. I don't think he wants me to get sad and lost every time I miss him. But then he is not here to tell me, I don't know where he is and what he wants. I can't even think straight when it's about him. He is that part of my life that I will always cherish but is too difficult to talk about. I can't bring myself to talk about him with anyone. That emptiness in my heart, that ache will always remain. No matter how happy I am or how well I convince myself that I have moved on I will always miss him.
