Saturday, June 25, 2016


It has been over 3 years since he left but feels like it's yesterday.  Those conversations we had are still fresh in my mind. They said time makes you forget things. But it has made me miss him even more. Not a day goes by where I don't think of him. No matter how busy or caught up I am, I always stop to think of him. He was there for a short time of my life but those moments are precious. Someone said it right. You don't value people until you've lost them. I wish I had the chance to tell him how  I felt about him. He was taken away from me and I couldn't express my feelings towards him.
      On the contrary, I didn't actually know what I felt until he was gone and that too for ever. I wish I realized it sooner. Every day I go on with my life and when there is even a moment when I feel alone he comes to my mind. It feels like I am alone even when I am surrounded with people. I miss him unconditionally and all the feelings come at once. It is overwhelming  and hard to handle. And then I choose to make myself numb. Numb to my own feelings, numb to whatever is going on around me. All I want to do is think of him. I thought once people left, you miss them less. But I realized it makes you miss them even more. The feelings I had for him seems to be growing stronger instead of diminishing. I don't think he wants me to get sad and lost every time I miss him. But then he is not here to tell me, I don't know where he is and what he wants. I can't even think straight when it's about him. He is that part of my life that I will always cherish but is too difficult to talk about. I can't bring myself to talk about him with anyone. That emptiness in my heart, that ache will always remain. No matter how happy I am or how well I convince myself that I have moved on I will always miss him. 
   Whenever I am in that phase where I zone out, I just wish someone would give me a tight hug or hold my hands and tell me they are there for me. I am an extremist. Whenever I imagine a situation I imagine it to be either extremely happy or extremely sad. Loosing him has made me feel insecure. I always feel scared that I might loose someone else that I love. The thought of loosing someone is painful. I try to be happy and not think much but sometimes it's just too hard to keep my head straight. Loosing him has made me desperate. Desperate to hang on. Desperate not to loose anyone else. It has made me assume the worst. I am in need of constant reminder that there are people who care for me and will be there for me. That day when I lost him, has changed a part of me. I don't know if it has made me stronger or weaker but it has changed me. A slight slip of death or an incident brings back the memory of the time when I got the news of his death. I wasn't there in his last moments. He said he would talk to me the next day but I guess that day wasn't meant to be there.

Tuesday, February 23, 2016


We all need someone in life. Someone whose one look can give you a rush of feelings. Whose one hug can make you forget all your problems. One that makes you look forward to the days ahead. One that brings excitement in your life and makes you feel alive.

Friday, January 15, 2016

In his memory

Time goes by so fast. It just seems like yesterday that we talked. It's already been over two years since you've gone but here I am still remembering you. I miss you but I guess you already know that. All the times we talked, joked are still fresh in my mind. I never thought I would miss you so much. I thought I had moved on. But looks like I never did. Life would be so different if only u were here. Sometimes I still feel your presence. In the early days after you were gone I feared that presence. Now, I expect it. I want it. It somehow makes me feel secured. I couldn't tell you what I felt because I myself didn't know it. Now, that I know it you are gone. Gone so far that memories of you is all I have. Those memories will always be with me. I am thankful to have ever known you. You did give me a FOREVER within the numbered days.

One - sided Love

Loving someone is not easy. It takes time, patience and strength to overcome obstacles. Jut loving someone is not enough. You need to be committed to them. If you are a person who is in one - sided love, then that's the most painful thing. You look at someone with love but you never get looked at the same way. If you get to meet them everyday, it has both positive and negative aspects. You need to have strength to see them flirting with others, giving priority to others as if you don't even matter. Sometimes, I feel like I'm just an obligation to them. He bears with him just because he has to and every chance he gets he will choose to make you feel bad. He cares about everything in this world except you.
On the positive side, at least you get to be with them. You can't force anyone to like you back so if they don't we just need to let it be...